Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
