I don't usually arrange sex via text message
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
