Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
