So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Do vagina's smell?
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize