I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
