Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
