is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
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