In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
