you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Randomize
