i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
My vagina just recognized that song.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize