i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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