it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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