the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Randomize
