is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize