if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
