I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
