Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
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