when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
His nipple licking is glorious
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