My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
