If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
