You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
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