I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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