Too much gin, very little bucket
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
