when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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