How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
