i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
