Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
