I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Randomize
