I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
