yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize