Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
