Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
