sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
