I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize