I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Who put my cat in the fridge?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
