So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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