I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
