No awkward lesbian experiences without me
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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