She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize