So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
