i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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