The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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