Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
