idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
