I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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