JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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