Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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