So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
