u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
