I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
