It's Friday. Sex?
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
