in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Randomize
