So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Come see our sink grown plant.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
