Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
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