I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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