I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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