she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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