hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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