All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
