Where are you?
In a non slutty way
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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