Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
The Olympian is in my bed
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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