When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
