I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
my liver is dry heaving
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
