Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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