My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Randomize
